On February 4, 2023 a Chinese spy balloon was shot down over Missouri. This dastardly intervention of US airspace inspired me to write the following article. It has been spiced up with comments from those I shared it with shortly after.
The Balloon Goes Up
by George Brose
With current events being what they are, I’m reminded
of some things in my past about that expression, “When the Balloon Goes Up”. Where did it come from? What does it mean?
Grammar-Monster.com has this to say:
The
term once the balloon has gone up derives from the
First World War. Whenever enemy activity was expected, observation balloons
would be released to monitor the enemy troop movements. As a result, the
raising of these balloons, which were visible to all, soon became a sign of
pending enemy action.
A Competing Theory
The term when the balloon goes up refers
to the large barrage balloons which were raised on steel cables above British
cities during the Second World War. The idea was that enemy bombers would keep
away from the cities, fearing that the steel cables would slice through their
wings. Therefore, when the barrage balloons went up, it was a sign for a city's
inhabitants of a pending air raid.
In either definition, it means
that pending action is near at hand.
Well, Class,
today’s question is: “Has the
Balloon Truly Gone Up?”
Yesterday I sent out the following
comments to a select list of acquaintances,
I'm
very concerned about that Chinese balloon now over the state of Missouri.
Personally I think
we should have shot it down when it was over Montana. There is nothing
there to be damaged by falling debris except a few cows and some Republicans. Twenty of the GOP might have to be
sacrificed, but it wouldn’t upset the vote distribution. The
population density there is zip.
Okay, there's a
hundred intercontinental ballistic missiles in Montana, but maybe we can't
afford the risk of shooting one at the balloon and missing. That would be
total humiliation. And debris might hit Dick Cheney's house but if
anyone can endure a flap of Chinese balloon fabric, Cheney is the one.
And Cheney could bring out that shotgun he blasted his hunting partner in the
face with a few years ago and give that Chinese gas bag a better understanding
of American exceptionalism.
This whole thing is
beginning to sound like a skit from the old crew of Saturday Night Live.
Steve Martin playing the US secretary of state with support from the chairman
of the Joint Chiefs of Staff, John Candy. Gilda Radner as Roseanne
Rosanna Dana could be interpreting the whole thing bassackwards.
Where will this all lead?
Of course, it will
lead to Balloon Diplomacy.
I think we should send a slow flying aircraft, possibly an old Wright Flyer
with a bunch of vacuum cleaners towed behind. It will fly over the
balloon and make contact and adhere to it with the suction of the vacuums and be
drawn out over the Atlantic and dropped in the Bermuda Triangle. No one will
ever be affected or claim some kind of personal affront. In thirty years
it will all be forgotten. It is so simple when you put aside the hysteria
we hear on the 24 hour news channels.
First Pictures of Pentagon intercepted by Scout Troop 213 Tupelo, Mississippi
Here are the
comments that have come back from my suggestion.
Ha Ha My son and I
were just satirically discussing the balloon before I opened your email.
Nothing to send fear into the American people like a Chinese balloon with no
where4 near the spy potential of all those Chinese satellites with ground
accuracies reading in terms of millimeters resolution. Maybe some Chinese third
grade class room launched it as a science project or goodwill thing
. Sylvia Gleason
Or look up, smile and point to your new improved recipe for
Kung Pao Chicken They might begin to think peace could be a tasty idea. Adrian Symonds
Stop it. You are spoiling the run up to the Super Bowl
featuring the Chicago Bears and Kenosha Comets.
Paul O’Shea
Personally I am having a double shot of Ovaltine to reduce
the stress.
You are correct about SNL. It probably
appears that way because we
are old and have seen too much. Ned Price
first we allow balloons, then gliders, then planes, then
nukes. slippery slope we are going down.
would think they would want to examine the
technology? Bruce Kritzler
George.
Have we all gone
through a time warp and emerged into 1917? What’s next — carrier pigeons?
Grab your masks,
any day now we’re getting hit with the Spanish Flu. David Himmelstein
George,
I knew that living up there in the North with all those
Eskimos (Inuit) and
running repeats of 220 METERS was going to
affect you.
However, if you can engineer a Wright Flyer to
fly as high as that
balloon, then it must have elevated you to the
status of Mechanical Marvel.
I can see you now in that open cockpit with your
fur lined leather
helmet and your white scarf blowing in the
breeze.
Be careful shooting that machine gun through
your propeller.
Take care,
Tom Coyne
If we could capture the balloon rather than
shooting it down, we could discover the hideout of the Montana Militia.
But since it is now in Missouri, they are probably trying to get a Good Year
blimp shot of the Super Bowl without having to pay the cost. Maybe the
hot air balloon people in New Mexico could help with this project. Bill Schnier
Bill, I think there
are enough gas bags in DC to manage the problem without bringing in the New
Mexico Lobos. George
Dear George:
Who do you want to play you in the movie?
Paul and I can get a script started once you
give us the word.
Take care,
Tom
I'm reminded of a film from the 70's with Alan Arkin
called "The Russians are Coming, The Russians are Coming"
when a Russian sub runs aground on Cape Cod. The reactions of the local
citizenry are predictable with Jonathan Winters leading the charge. It was hilarious and much like the current
situation. Yes, I want Arkin to play me. George
But
I also want to be the Chinese double agent who is dropping Trump and Palin
leaflets out of the balloon. The balloon should
have a smiley face for deception. Paul can you direct, and Thom, produce
this masterpiece? Probably should just get a couple of B list cuties
to co-star. I doubt we can raise enough money on our first effort. George
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